VICEVI

Otišla plavuša u policijsku postaju zajedno s bratom policajcem radi upisa na policijsku akademiju.
- Uđe ona kod inspektora, a ovaj joj postavi pitanje da provjeri njeno opste obrazovanje:
- Šta je to algoritam?
Plavuša odgovori spremno:
- Alga koja je uhvatila ritam.
Odgovor pomalo zbuni inspektora, koji se na kraju ipak pribere i upita je:
-Ko je bio Gavrilo Princip?
Plavuša se zamisli, pa pita:
- A da to nije bio čovjek koji je ubio posljednjeg kineskog cara Johna F. Kennedya?
Inspektor duboko uzdahne i ipak se odluči postaviti zadnje pitanje:
- Recite mi, ko je ubio Isusa Krista?
Plavuša razmišlja i razmišlja, pa skrušeno odgovori:
- Ne znam.
- Dobro, reče inspektor, onda otiđite i javite mi kada nađete odgovor.
Izlazi plavuša sva sretna iz kancelarije, a brat ju upita:
- Kako je bilo?
- Sjajno, šef mi je već dao prvi slučaj ubistva!

Vic posla(o/la): dabo, 27. 05. 2015

Vicevi o plavušama  22  

Pricaju pirocanac i komsija, komsija ga pita:
-Sto ti ova kokoska ima jednu nogu?
-Nista me ne pitaj, juce mi bila puna kuca gostiju.

Vic posla(o/la): Igor, 26. 05. 2015

Piroćanci  11  

Zaustavlja pandur pijanog čovjeka i pita:
Kud ćeš ti ovako kasno pijan?
čovjek: na predavanje!!
pandur: ko sada ovako kasno drži predavanje?
čovjek: moja žena!

Vic posla(o/la): anes, 26. 05. 2015

Pandurski vicevi  25  

Pita učiteljica decu:
-sta sve moze da se stavi u usta?
-jabuka
-sladoled
-cokolada
-jagoda
Tako su deca nabrajala pa dodje red na malog cigu
-" Luster učiteljice" rece ciga
-kako luster,crni Aćime?
-jeste ućiteljice ,sinoč ja odem da spavam i ćujem tata kaže majki:
-UGASI TAJ LUSTER DA TI GA STAVIM U USTA

Vic posla(o/la): bager, 25. 05. 2015

Ciganski vicevi  23  

Zove pirocanac sa detetom taxi iz Podgorice do Pirota:
-Koliko kosta prevoz od Podgorice do Pirota?
-100€
-Moze nesto dzabe?
-Moze, ali da ne progovorite ni jednu rec dok vas vozim.
Dodje taxi po njega i vozi ga do pirota.
A taxista prelazi na crveno ,vozi 170 na sat... Kad su stigli do pirota, pita taxista:
-Kazite mi iskreno, kada vam je bilo najteze?
-Pa kada mi je ispalo dete u krivini.

Vic posla(o/la): Igor, 23. 05. 2015

Piroćanci  8  

Idu 2 coveka ulicom, i jedan kaze drugom:
-Juce mi pala kutija na glavu.
-Sta je bilo u njoj?
-Nista.
-A u kutiji?

Vic posla(o/la): Igor, 23. 05. 2015

Razno  15  

Pita gluv glupog: 
- koliko je 4+4?
- pa 6
- na mom te nosam!

Vic posla(o/la): mateo, 21. 05. 2015

Crni humor  26  

Zove ludak telefonom ludnicu i pita:
- Dobar dan, možete li proveriti da li je soba 10 prazna?
- Da, prazna je. Što pitate?
- Tooo! Znači, uspeo sam da pobegnem!

Vic posla(o/la): dabo, 20. 05. 2015

Razno  66  

Učiteljica: Mujo, gdje je Amerika na karti?
Mujo: Evo je!
Učiteljica: Haso, ko je pronašao Ameriku?
Haso: Mujo!

Vic posla(o/la): dabo, 20. 05. 2015

Mujo i Haso  145  

Govori svekrva snahi na venčanju: 
- Znaš Kćeri, nije ti baš nešto lepa ta venčnica. 
A snaha će na to: 
- Sledeći put će biti lepša.

Vic posla(o/la): dabo, 20. 05. 2015

Kompjuterski vicevi

Dodje kompjuteras u mesaru i kaze:
- Dajte mi 100 grama salame.
- Da vam narezem?
- Ma jok, prebaci mi na USB!

Vic posla(o/la): Čuko, 18. 05. 2015

Kompjuterski vicevi  61  

Da bi jedna porodica bila srećna, mora da postoji ljubav, razumevanje i najmanje dva kompjutera!

Vic posla(o/la): daba, 26. 03. 2014

Kompjuterski vicevi  43  

Dodje kompjuteras u mesaru i kaze:
- Dajte mi 100 grama salame.
- Da vam narezem?
- Ma jok, prebaci mi na USB!

Vic posla(o/la): Leky, 06. 10. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  64  

-Tata, kako sam se ja rodio?
-Evo ovako :
tata i mama su napravili jedan copy / paste na
jetnom cetu na MSN. tata je onda dao mami
sastanak preko e- mail- a u WC -u u jednom
cybercafe- u. onda je mama napravila nekoliko
download- a sa tatinom memory stick - om . kad
je tata bio spreman za upload , primetili smo
da nismo stavili firewall. posto je bilo kasno
da se koristi delete , 9 meseci kasnije nam je
stigao opasni virus.

Vic posla(o/la): GagsiKeksi, 19. 07. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  67  

Idu dva digitrona ulicom i vide kompljuter.Jedan kaže:
-,,vidi štrebera.,,

Vic posla(o/la): JA BP, 30. 05. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  40  

Koliko treba Microsoft programera da promjene sijalicu ?
- Ni jedan, oni mrak proglase standardom

Vic posla(o/la): Dabo, 16. 04. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  20  

Sin: 
- "Tata, tata, a da li je istina što pišu u novinama da facebook zaglupljuje?" 
Tata:
- "Šta, wtf, omg, jbt, lol!"

Vic posla(o/la): Becir, 10. 04. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  53  

Tata: 
-Sine, gori kuca,brzo napolje....

Sin:
-Cekaj da objavim na fejs!!!!

Tata:
-Taguj meeee!! 

Vic posla(o/la): Maja, 05. 02. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  73  

koja je e-mail adresa mađarske sove?
-hu@hu.hu

Vic posla(o/la): anja , 13. 01. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  29  

zašto slon ne želi da kupi kompjuter?
-boji se miša.

Vic posla(o/la): suzzy, 12. 01. 2013

Kompjuterski vicevi  50  

SEXy THEME Update 9.8

SEXy THEME Update 9.8

MORE

Update 9.8: Release on Wednesday 27 May

Version 9.8 is ready for deployment. This update will bring some interesting content, such as Dynamic Platoons, special badges awarded in real time during battle, and the Domination event. Below you will find a handy summary of the additions and changes:

Dynamic Platoons

Starting with this update, you will be able to form platoons with your team mates while in battle. This means no more waiting for a battle ending to go back to the Garage in order to create a combat unit – assemble your formation on the spot!

For more information please refer to our dedicated article.

Special Event: Domination

To celebrate the release of the patch, we will be organizing a special event in which everyone will be able to participate! Roll out in 3 special event vehicles and battle it out in the fight for domination – respawning, repairs and resupplies in battle are enabled!

For more info please refer to our dedicated article.

HD/SD client split

Enjoy the possibility of choosing the proper client to fit your computer's specs and save some disk space!

For more info please refer to our dedicated article.

Battle Performance Badges

Enjoy a special set of badges which will be granted in real time during the course of the battle. Gain immediate battle performance feedback and use it to better assess your input!

For more info please refer to our dedicated article.

Battles for Strongholds expanded to include Tier VIII

Version 9.8 will introduce more variety to battles for strongholds, as now the mid-level battles will feature teams of Tier VIII vehicles.

Stay tuned for more info!

Map changes

Some maps have been amended in order to balance gameplay, primarily Karelia, Sand River, Westfield and Siegfried Line.

For more info, please refer to our dedicated article!

For a complete list of changes and additions please refer to the Updates section on the website.

You will be able to experiment with all of this new content once the new update is implemented in the game. In order to make the changes, the game server will be undergoing maintenance on 27 May from 05:00 to 11:30 CEST (UTC+2).

The update is now over and the download of the new content will begin when you launch the game. You can also download it manually via the Download section.

IMPORTANT: Due to Update 9.8, the Global Map in Clan Wars will be undergoing maintenance from 27 May at 01:15 until 28 May, 01:15 CEST (UTC+2) during which it will be frozen. All Battles for Stronghold will also be cancelled due to maintenance from 27 May at 04:59 until 28 May, 04:59 CEST (UTC+2). Players with a Premium Account active during the maintenance will be compensated.

Will you be the first to test the new version, Commanders?

Public Test of Update 9.8

Changes in Version 0.9.8 Common Test 2 vs. 0.9.8 Common Test 1

- Added support for Platoons (three players only) and Tank Companies for the Domination event.

- Fixed other issues with the Domination event.

- Fixed unevenness in map rotation for battles in the Domination event.

- Fixed some issues with the visual models of the following vehicles: IS-3, Т32, 121, M4A3E2 Sherman Jumbo, Tiger I, Leopard 1, Pershing.

- Fixed some issues with the damage models of the following vehicles: IS-3.

- Allotted a separate transmission in the damage model of the Fury.

- Fixed the bases in Attack/Defense on the Himmelsdorf map.

- Fixed some visual issues on the updated Westfield and Karelia maps.

- Reworked destruction effects for some environmental objects.

- Fixed issues with the visual and damage models of some environmental objects.

- Improved the Garage interfaces of personal missions.

- Fixed the issue with the hang-up of the Battle Results screen when completing personal missions.

- Fixed some issues with the operation of personal missions.

- Added automatic starting of the next personal mission when the current one is completed.

- Added a restriction on creation of Battles for Stronghold during certain time periods.

- Fixed some issues with the new functionality of Personal Reserves.

- Fixed the issue with Tank Company hang-ups when awaiting battle.

- Fixed the issue with the occasional flickering of vehicle track marks.

- Fixed the calculation of penalties and credit compensations for damaging allies.

- Fixed the rare issue with the inability to enter a battle in a Platoon in a vehicle that fought in a previous battle.

- Fixed the display of the red aiming line when aiming over a vehicle in Artillery mode.

- Fixed the colour of Platoon member indicators in battle and on the minimap in a Dynamic Platoon.

- Fixed the issue with the inability to leave a Dynamic Platoon after the player has left the battle.

- Fixed gameplay and interface issues in the Stronghold mode.

- Fixed the “stretched-out” font displayed in the majority of tooltips on the Awards tab.

- Fixed other minor issues with interface.

- Fixed other hang-ups and crashes of the game client.

Main Features of the current Public Test of Version 9.8

• New Game Mode: Domination/Fallout
• New ways to see your upgrade paths: take a look at how much XP and credits are needed to unlock your next modules in the battle results window.
• Implementation of new in-game ribbons
• Personal Missions – improvements to this feature.
• Tier VIII Strongholds Battles
• SD / HD client changes

How the Public Test Works

New to testing? Check out our handy guide to public tests.

Eligibility: Every player who registered their account before 4 May 2015.

Feedback: please post your general feedback about the test version in the appropriate thread on our forum.

Test Client Download

1. Download the test client installer.
2. Make sure you pick a save location that is different to your regular World of Tanks game files. Save and run the installer.(9.2MB)
3. Run the new copy of the game. The launcher will download all the additional data. (9 GB)
4. Log in and start playing. Remember to post your feedback to this forum thread.

Please be aware of the following:

The test server will be restarted regularly, according to the following schedule: 

• 1 periphery: 04:00 UTC (07:00 FET) daily. Average Duration: 25 minutes
• 2 periphery: 05:00 UTC (08:00 FET) daily. Average Duration: 25 minutes
• Center: 09:00 UTC (12:00 FET) daily. Average duration: 2 minutes

The test server may be subject to unscheduled restarts and maintenance.

Patchnotes:

For the full list of changes, please visit the In Development section on our website.

Thank you for taking part in the public test!  Good luck and have fun!